"I don't love you!" exclaimed Isaiah boldly. Never has my heart felt such disappointment and sadness when I asked him if he meant it and he said yes. Bitterness so soonly crept in...I work hard to take care of you everyday, to love and serve you, to make a good life for you, to make things fun and be an intentional mommy who helps you grow in the Lord! What do you mean you don't love me?
Is this what happens Lord when I pray for you to show me your love? That as I sit down and explain to my son that my love is unconditional and that there is nothing that he can do or not do that will change how much I love him, that that message was really I message I needed to hear about the love of God?
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on [me], that [I] should be called a [child] of God." 1 John 3:1
Just as Isaiah is my child, and I will love him wholeheartedly. Jesus too loves me as his own child and "no" loving me is not an easy job. Jesus had to die to show me his love. That although he kept saying I had to follow him and pick up my own cross, I continued in my own sin and disobedience (just like my own child). But Jesus is a far better parent than I could ever be because he "made it finished." He completed his love for me when he died on that cross. He said to me, Tina, it is by grace that you are saved. I have done it. You are forgiven. End of story. That is how much he loves me. That despite my sinfulness, which is every day and constant, he still loves me.
Lord, help me to reflect the love of God to my son. He too is a sinner. What I love about Isaiah is that he is not a perfectionist like me. I try to tidy up my sins but he, courageous as he is, boldly sins. Lord, although we are different, help me not to try and make my son like me, because I too am a sinner. Although I might look more "tidy," this has allowed my heart to rot from the inside out. Isaiah is a different child and you love him just the same. That although he continues to sin over and over again, your mercy and grace is sufficient for him just like it is for me. Lord, don't let me believe it any differently. Please Lord, help me to see that we are both equal in your eyes, a sinner but also a very loved, forgiven and died for child of God who wants to be embraced. Please Lord, place in me your limitless love for Isaiah (and Audrey). Give me the ability to more deeply and unconditionally love both of them as you loved me. Amen!
