Narration in the Bathroom

Just had the most embarrassing experience in a public restroom as isaiah decided to narrate me going potty. "Mommy you don't have to push hard. Just wait. It should come out." My exact words at the perfect timing. Ugh Too bad he was so adorable saying it. Just bad tkming. Luckily the only other person in the bathroom was an older lady. Hopefully she got a kick out of it too.

Knowing God

Lord,
I want to know your truths. You promise that as I knock and seek you, you will answer.
Well today I came across Deuteronomy 29:29 which says, "the secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed [in scripture and in nature] belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law."
All that I have a right to know and all that I need to know is revealed in scripture. So Lord, please guide my studies and teach me your word. May your holy spirit grant me with unbelievable memorization NOT so I may boast in my knowledge to others but solely so I may be humbled,  and know you more.

A Lesson From Sienna

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."
Ephesians 2:8

Faith is a gift.

So why have I been struggling to believe in God? First, I don't want to. I want to know truth, but I'm not ready to believe. Yet today I was reminded that faith is believing in what is unseen. I will not know everything of who God is. Most of him will remain unseen. I will keep knocking, he will answer. He promises. But he also commands me to believe (1 John 3:23). So to believe in what is unseen, how do I do that?

Well I'm reminded of sweet little Sienna who for months wouldn't open the gift I so excitedly purchased to make her "big sister" transition so special. I even picked out the most precious, perfect gift, a ballerina treasure box! She would be ecstatic, in love! Why doesn't she want to open it? As much as I coaxed her, she had no interest and it broke my heart. She just said NO and even sometimes screamed and flailed.

Is this how God feels? He has died for all, including me, and I don't want that gift. "I'm not ready," I think. His heart must be broken too. God, can you help me believe? God, you command me to believe but I just can't. Jesus, can you give me a heart that wants to believe?

So what does Jesus do almost immediately? Gives me a heart to believe. He softens my heart and welcomes me home like the prodigal daughter. "I didn't ask you to do it on your own. You could do nothing to earn my favor, even believe. You just needed my son. Thanks for asking him to do it for you because after all, it IS finished."

Thank you Lord that your mercies are new every morning, great is your faithfulness!

The Need for Obedience

God,
Today I finally understand your heartache over disobedience. Im so sorry for the hearta he ive caused you in saying 'no" repeatedly. At this point I feel I have no authority over my son. He is defiant and doesn't listen to my commands. He either says no, has a nasty heart or attitude or flat out runs in the opposite direction laughing. I can't take it anymore, my no means nothing and it's a battle every 3 minutes of the day. So I officially lost it, I broke down in tears because I can't do it. I can't.  I can't raise this child up in your instruction to be obedient right away, all the way with a happy heart because I can't even do it. I'm being so hypocritical. By your grace, Im reminded that it's the law that breaks us and helps us realize our need for a Savior. So Lord, I am broken by this inability to discipline my own child i love so well. I ask you show up this morning and give me the strength to have a happy and calm heart as I follow through in my obedience in discipling my child. May you have victory over our sin today and get the glory today. Amen!


3:30PM UPDATE
God is good! He answers prayers! He has given us both a desire to obey today; right away, all the way and with a happy heart. Praise Jesus!

"Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning." Lamentations 3:23