Life never seems to be "normal" anymore. First it's adjusting to being a mommy, then recovering for 2 years from a surgery, then dealing with my father's passing, then having our home flood and living with in-laws, then managing a remodel, then realizing now is the time to sell our place and move on, then looking for a new home, and it just keeps going...It's called: LIFE.
Life was never was normal. I think I just always hoped it would be and I didn't take credit for those times it was "easy breezy." However, now I'm at an age that I have realized I don't want life to just happen to me anymore. In the midst of every day life I want to have joy. I don't want it to be something that I have to create, just something that I can bask in in the midst of everyday life. Because let's face it, everyone says "kids grow up fast." For some reason, seeing Isaiah turn 3 and expecting Baby Audrey to arrive soon is making that a reality I no longer want to just good my head at and agree but really embrace.
So as I press into the Lord, a very common bible passage comes to mind:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" Galatians 5:22.
I'm learning that joy truly is a gift of the spirit as the bible says. Just like my salvation is nothing I can do myself, the fruit is nothing I can do either. Like salvation, which is a gift, so is the fruit, a gift!
As God has taught me I can't earn my salvation and as I wrestle with this idea, he is revealing a whole new side of himself: The Holy Spirit. As I press in the God's truth I found myself reading some sermon notes from John Piper's sermon series on the Holy Spirit and realized that the Holy Spirit is much more powerful than I ever gave credit for because it was the Holy Spirit that raised Jesus's dead body to new life (1 Peter 3:18)! The same powerful Holy Spirit that gave the God son new life, is the one who gives me new life! It's not my own doing but the Holy Spirit's own doing. So what does that look like? Well according the Galatians 5:22 joy is a fruit of the Spirit. So why not ask the Spirit to dwell in me (which is already promise to all believers) and ask the spirit to grant joy to me?
As a busy mommy who wants to make as many memories as possible with my son but who still has responsibilities to accomplish each day, I'm torn. Torn because all it takes is a joyful spirit and I can't do that on my own. My natural flesh is a heart of stone that is selfish with my own agenda, quick to anger, etc. But the Lord promises new life and abundant life! Boy do I want that! Because I can either look at finding 5 minutes to go to the park a moment of blessing with this little guy or an annoyance because I need to get the next thing done.
Being a mommy really is humbling. It is bringing me to my knees repenting to Jesus for trying to "do" joy on my own and instead asking his Holy Spirit to bless me with the fruit of joy! Something that I can not do on my own, it is not a natural gift he has given me.
So today, in the midst of our crazy schedule we took a few minutes to do the simple things in life: blow bubbles, watch the recycling truck, play at the playground...a toddler is so precious and I'm grateful this little man made me a mommy and I'm even more grateful that as I asked the Lord to see my son as a blessing and to fill me with joy, he did! Amen to that!
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