Boundaries - My First Lesson

I was holding my sweet little boy’s hand one day at circle time to say the goodbye song at the end of his preschool day. It was apparent she did not want to hold his hand. It broke my heart. Things like this kept happening. He was hugging kids or sitting too close to them. I started noticing a trajectory that I did not like. If he continued to do this to people people would not like him and it tore my mommy heart to pieces.  Intervention mommy! My job yet again is to teach my child the ways of life.

So feeling frustrated I talked to his preschool teachers not shocked to find out that yes this was happening during class too. So a solution needed to be found. I came across this book called Boundaries by Townsend.  This book would forever change my life!

My little vivacious preschooler was experiencing boundary problems. And guess who taught him this? Me! Like I mentioned before I grew up in a non-confrontational home where everything was happy go lucky. For years I struggled with this in my own marriage. When ever confrontation arose in our marriage I either felt anxious or extremely angry but never did I know how to handle it. I was like a little baby never taught how to deal with what is never escapable in life: confrontation.

The teacher in me grabbed some ropes and placed them around him in a circle to show him that this was his personal space. Some children (and adults) don’t like people in their personal space. Some people don’t mind. It’s also specific to the type of people, for example, classmates, family, friends, teachers, etc. We walked through all the scenarios. 

I also noticed that he was struggling with self-control and I kept finding myself saying “you need to control yourself.” Like a preschooler knew how to do that? So that led us to discussing that only he has a choice. Either he can stop or not. Only he can make the decision and being a bigger boy he now is responsible for that I can only remind him.

Townsend’s book was life changing for me. I now realize I need to take action for my own responsibilities. I can say no to people. I can feely talk about my emotions regarding what other people think.  I can tell me kids that they need to have quiet time and not feel guilty because I need quiet time. I can be honest with my husband if I don’t like something. And so much more. At first glance, boundaries seem rude or selfish but really they are there to help us stay focused on who we are and our purpose.